I was prescribed tricyclic antidepressants 'off-label' to ‘treat’ neuropathic pain following a facial where the therapist failed to ask any pre-screening questions. A sliding doors, mere minute, moment in time that had devastating consequences.

I had a catastrophic reaction to the very first pill I ingested resulting in intense pins and needles throughout my entire body and an inability to breathe. I had never had a panic attack (which doctors incorrectly claimed it was) or any other psychological problems in my life previously. The drugs worsened my original pain but immediately I was left unable to function at all in life and within a short space of time, I was suicidal (actively and verbally) to the horror of my family.

Although I was unaware I had akathisia at the time, attempting to describe the effect it had is beyond anything most people could comprehend. It’s like your body, your brain and your soul have all been set on fire. Executive functioning disappears and along with that anything that would resemble rational thought is lost. When people say death would be a welcome result, this is by no means an overstatement. If the epitome of hell existed in a bottle, it would be this.

The doctors refused to recognise the correlation with the cause, insistent the medication was not to blame, despite my pleas that it was the trigger to my decline. They instead plagued my medical records with a host of mental health misdiagnoses. They convinced everyone I loved that I had severe health anxiety and depression, and to add insult to injury, then claimed that my pain was psychosomatic.

I tried to reduce the medication myself but the symptoms increased in severity even further, I didn’t know where to turn. I was paralysed, I had lost my grip on everything. All I could think about was ending the suffering that can only be described as a feeling of pure terror. I would search online in desperation for hours looking for answers, but none came.

The healthcare system is unfortunately rooted in a complete lack of informed consent where many medications are concerned, further perpetuated by misdiagnoses and medical gaslighting. Greed certainly triumphs where pharmaceuticals are concerned, leading to a gross loss of life and reduction in quality of life for many.

On June 1 2022, I became convinced that my children could have ingested some of my medication, the paranoia was overwhelming. For weeks I had suffered complete insomnia, my behaviour was irrational and desperate. What I have been told is that my children had no symptoms, they were monitored for hours and there was nothing to suggest they had ingested anything, tests were clear. The behaviours I exhibted that day, I have since been informed, are hallmark symptoms of akathisia. I rushed them to hospital, but on arrival, I left them in the care of the medical staff. All my support structures had collapsed, my family strongly perpetuated the views of the doctors and I could see no way out.

I do not recall with clarity any of the details of this day, all I know is that I took an overdose and jumped from a height in an attempt to take my life. I sustained multiple fractures, but I was then arrested on suspicion of trying to poison my children, following which I was detained under the Mental Health Act and sectioned. What ensued was forced medicating with countless more drugs against my will, all of which increased the severity of the akathisia. After four months I managed to free myself from the psychiatric unit using a Nearest Relative Discharge clause, narrowly escaping ECT, which would have been inflicted on me without my consent. It is barbaric to think that the healthcare systems are sanctioned to operate in this fashion, the Mental Health Act is in need of serious reform.

I had to work out what had happened to me and prove I was innocent of the allegations. In doing so I came across an interview with a Neurotoxicologist. I arranged consultations with him and underwent neuropsychological testing. This confirmed I had in fact suffered neurotoxic injuries from psychiatric medication and the evidence supported that I had been involuntarily intoxicated. This was further substantiated as he advised that I get Pharmacogenetic DNA profiling done. This was analysed by a Forensic DNA Expert and it confirmed that I had significant issues with my ability to metabolise many medications. I had mutations and variants for a number of enzymes responsible for drug metabolism, specifically the CYP450 enzyme.

It was the single most profound point in my whole journey, as it confirmed that I had been right all along, the doctors and psychiatrists had all been wrong. I had suffered severe side effects from these medications, and was lucky to be alive. There had been no informed consent or acknowledgment of any of the warnings. Surely suicidal ideation and a development of complete insomnia with the introduction of heavily sedating drugs should have raised flashing alarm bells. How could they have glossed over all of this and left me in a position where my body had now sustained significant physical injuries, my brain and nervous system had been poisoned with 14 medications in total (many against my will) and my children had nearly lost their mother.

The damage did not end there. Since the medication had begun my menstrual cycle had ceased, and nearly six months had passed. I underwent blood tests and made multiple trips to my GP, but they failed to pick up on an important blood marker that I now know could only have indicated very early pregnancy. Nearly 8 weeks passed from that point when I then discovered I was nearly 20 weeks pregnant. Four weeks later it was confirmed that our son had Down Syndrome. We were told we had to make a choice as to whether we wished to proceed with the pregnancy, but by this point I was heavily pregnant. I had begun suffering seizures and we had no clarity on what the outcome of the pre-charge police investigation would be. I was suffering severe withdrawals, akathisia, rebound insomnia and we had no clear path at all as to my recovery, if it was possible, and whether in this state I could provide the level of care that a child with Down Syndrome would require.

This whole catastrophic chain of events was unquestionably a domino effect of the damage inflicted on me by severe failings in the medical system . People should be held accountable but it is blatantly clear that the systems are there to protect the prescribers, not the patient. The doctors once again deemed me deluded to even suggest there was a link between the loss of my cycle and the effects of neurotoxicity. This was not a planned pregnancy and ultimately the multiple unknowns that we were faced with regarding my recovery would play a huge part in the decision. At 28 weeks pregnant, our son was stillborn. It was a choice no one should ever have to make. The horror and trauma of the process is something I am unsure if anyone ever fully recovers from. You can at best lessen the intensity of it.

My suicide attempt left me in severe pain due to a mismanaged clavicle fracture which united very badly. With advice, I underwent an elective surgical procedure to re-break and realign this bone in the hope my pain would lessen. Sadly I suffered severe complications following the surgery. One of the main nerves in my arm and hand has been crushed and I have been left with a crippling condition known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. I could not take any of the medications doctors use in an attempt to treat the symptoms of CRPS, as they are all psychotropic drugs which I would have been unable to metabolise. I instead threw myself into researching causation and effect, adamant that I would not be broken by this.

I had no use of my arm and hand and I was in crippling pain, once again housebound. Left with no route forward, I followed my instincts and asked for help by launching a fundraiser, in part too, to raise awareness. Two days after this, I was contacted by a journalist who possibly sensed a bigger picture behind everything. After much internal debate, I made the decision to tell my story and put our personal tragedies into the public domain with the belief it could help many others and lead to a greater good. This was four months in planning due to the complexity of the story but it was recently published in 4 parts. You can read it in full at poisonedbyprescription.substack.com

Whist I exhausted these funds some time back, the generosity and support of so many has ultimately meant that I have been able to undergo a number of therapies that have been critical in my recovery. I have spent nearly 100 hours in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber alongside red light therapy at Simply Oxygen, and used other trauma-based therapies with these (supported by my research). These have undoubtedly restored some of the function in my arm and hand, and lessened the pain, but the nerve is still impinged and my prognosis is currently unclear with significant sensory and motor impairment. I am also battling a tumour in my neck, which due to the speed of growth, may be impacting the nerve too.

I hope, in time, I can continue therapies by raising more funds and then begin an even bigger campaign to raise awareness of a highly flawed health system that fractures families worldwide, failing to recognise any responsibility.

After 21 months under pre-charge police investigation, the Crown Prosecution Service ruled there should be no further action, the case had failed their evidential test.

My healing journey has taken me down a path where I have immersed myself into therapies to address the CRPS symptoms at the root cause but the ripple effect has been evident for me with the relief from drug induced damage too. Although recovery is not linear, I want people to know that there is hope to heal, I am living proof of this, and my goal is to help as many others as I possibly can.

Please do read my story in full (poisonedbyprescription.substack.com) and share it far and wide to help educate and expose the harm that is happening. Within this I very clearly outline how to recognise akathisia and neurotoxicity. These should be household terms but, in fact, many have never even heard of them.

Ultimately, it is important to recognise that it is not OK to endure this amount of harm, for doctors to ignore the basics of medical ethics, for people to be deserted by their families due to those very actions and then for so many to die alone due to malpractice.

The ignorance needs to end, patient experiences should be validated and there should be learnings from them. The aim should be that clinical practice is improved.
No-one should be force-drugged during detention because of severe failings in the Mental Health Act. The reality is that this causes iatrogenic harm and leads to severe disability and complex trauma.

I still have my life, despite an uncertain journey ahead to rebuild my body and repair the damaging effects of complex trauma. Many others are lost but not forgotten, this site is homage to that. However, the fact remains that we lost our son as a direct result of the carnage these medications can inflict upon lives. This is in loving memory of Toby, you will always be in my heart. From his loss, I hope I am able to heal myself and ultimately to help save many more lives, and that this will be his legacy.